dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
stop calling my apartment porn island.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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