the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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