there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
