someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Boobs speak an international language.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
