i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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