Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He better not be in your backpack
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
