You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
