JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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