The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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