im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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