Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
