guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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