its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
