Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
