Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
