Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
