The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
