It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
