I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
