i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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