I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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