quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
