John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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