Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Randomize
