Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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