I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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