: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
