Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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