We got so high we made milksteak
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
