My sheets look like a crime scene.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
