At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
