she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
