its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
