I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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