i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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