Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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