your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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