Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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