I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
