Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
