i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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