a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
