the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
