in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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