she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
