she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
