party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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