All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
