Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
