She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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