Can Purell be used as lube?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
