I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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