While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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